Quotes

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night~ Charlie Brown

USA Today has come up with a new suvery; apparently 3/4 people make up 75 of the population.~ David Letterman

If it weren’t for electricity we would be watching television by candlelight.~ George Gobal

I’ve been accused of vulgarity, I say that’s bullshit~ Mel Brooks

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was ridiculus-everyone hasn’t met you yet. ~Rodney Dangerfield

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. ~ Marty Fieldman

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ~ Steven Wright.

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.~
Jerry Seinfeld.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.~Mel Brooks.

You’re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.~Rowan Atkinson

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.~Joseph Heller.

The biggest way to loose marks in finals is to get the wrong answer~Dr R Taylor

You’re under arrest for stealing empty cardboard boxes! The company needs those boxes to meet it’s recycling goals. ~Catbert

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. ~Unknown

“The Ten Commandments aren’t multiple choice.” God

“What part of ‘Thou Shall Not’…did you not understand? God

” It’s not everytime. You get a second chance in life.”

“Quote the 25th letter of the alphabet… Y ‘ “

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that provides the difficulties.” –Douglas Adams; Life, the Universe, and Everything

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.” — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t,” –H2G2

“There is a theory which states that if anybody ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” –The Book; Douglas Adams; H2G2 Radio show

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move,” –The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?” –Monty Python and the Holy Grail

“Come to the Dark Side – we have cookies!” – Talia Gryphon

“Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past. One of you succeeded!” –Jack Sparrow

“Shall I describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?” –Legolas, The Two Towers

“It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo; the ones that really mattered… Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding on to something… There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.” –Sam, The Two Towers

“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” –Sarah Williams, An Old Astronomer to His Pupil

“Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?” –Les Miserables Finale

“And it sings… of a world that I long to see, out of reach…! Just a whisper away, waiting for me…!” –Cosette, Les Miserables

“Oh, you were once that someone who I’d follow like a star… but suddenly, you changed… and now I don’t know who you are. Or could it be that I never really knew you from the start? Did I create a dream… was he a fantasy? Even a memory is paradise for all the fools like me… Now remembering is all that I can do… Because… I miss him so… when I look at you…” –Marguerite, The Scarlet Pimpernel

“And we all have so many faces the real self often erases. Enticing lies flicker through our eyes! Feel the terror draw ever nearer the more you stare in the mirror, but hold your own! Face the wind alone!” –Marguerite, Percy, Chauvelin, The Scarlet Pimpernel

“Good is evil, and therefore all evil is… good!” –Lucy, Jekyll & Hyde

“Angel, I hear you; speak – I listen! Stay by my side, guide me…” –Christine, The Phantom of the Opera

“Your (my) spirit and my (your) voice, in one combined…!” –Christine and Erik, The Phantom of the Opera

“Who was that shape in the shadows? Whose is the face in the mask?” –Christine, The Phantom of the Opera

“Angel or father, friend or phantom, who is it there, staring? Angel, oh speak, what endless longings echo in this whisper!” –Christine, The Phantom of the Opera

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” –As You Like It

“It’s not pinin’, it’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace, if you hadn’t nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!” –Monty Python’s Flying Circus; Dead Parrot Sketch

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist

Our problems are man made, therefore, they can be solved by man- kennedy